Between Fantasy and Reality: What We Don’t Talk About in the BL Fandom

For a long time, BL (Boys’ Love) felt like a safe place. A warm corner of the world where softness between men was allowed. Where vulnerability wasn’t weakness. Where romance felt more gentle, more emotional, more… free.

But as the genre grows, and more people join the community—something else has grown too.

Silence. Around the unhealthy patterns. The emotional toll. The stories that normalize abuse. And even the physical and mental effects this genre can have on its most loyal fans.

So I want to talk about it. Not to ruin the magic, but to protect the people who hold it so close.

---

Watch BLs’ Broken Fantasy | Created by Aam Anusorn | ไบร์ท วิน 2gether The Series

BL Is Not Just a Genre—It’s an Escape

For many fans, watching BL is more than just entertainment. It’s a form of therapy. A place to feel seen, comforted, or even just… okay.

Especially for:

• LGBTQ+ people who rarely see love like theirs shown on screen.

• Women who are tired of how love between men and women is portrayed—often with toxic power dynamics.

• People in conservative cultures who feel trapped by expectations.

Watching two boys fall in love feels like rebellion—but also healing.

But here’s the thing no one tells you: even comfort can become a cage.

When your entire emotional world is wrapped up in a story—or an actor—it can affect your mind and body more than you realize.

---

Mental Health in the Fandom: What We See and What We Ignore

1. Emotional Burnout

• Constantly bingeing series, overanalyzing every scene, or following every update about an actor can be exhausting.

• Fans stay up all night, skip meals, or neglect real-life responsibilities just to stay “connected” to the story.

2. Parasocial Overload

• A lot of fans form intense one-sided bonds with actors or fictional couples.

• They feel possessive. Protective. Sometimes even jealous.

• And when that actor announces a girlfriend or takes a role with a different co-star… it feels like real heartbreak.

It’s not about being “crazy.” It’s about emotional confusion—when your brain can’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy anymore.

3. Anxiety, Comparison, and Loneliness

• Some fans compare their own lives to the perfect romance on screen and feel they’ll never find love like that.

• Others feel disconnected from real relationships because they’re too emotionally attached to a fictional world.

• And when your OTP breaks up—or a series ends—it can trigger real grief.

---

Physical Health? Yes, That Too

Being in a fandom isn’t just about what happens in your mind. It affects your body too.

• Eye strain from watching hours of content.

• Poor posture from sitting at a computer or scrolling on a phone all night.

• Sleep problems, especially when shows air late or fan fights keep you up.

• Skipping meals or even forgetting to drink water during binge sessions.

• For some, even weight fluctuation due to emotional eating or lack of routine.

We don’t always talk about this because fandom is supposed to be fun. But the body keeps the score—even when we’re doing something we love.

---

The Romanticization of Abuse: Why Is It Still Happening?

And then there’s this. The part I wish we didn’t have to talk about, but we must:

The rape culture embedded in some BL stories.

You’ve seen it: the bad guy hates gay people, but rapes another man—and somehow, they fall in love later. The victim forgives him. The audience claps.

This is not just a harmful trope—it’s dangerous storytelling.

Because it teaches:

• That “violence means love”

• That “trauma makes you closer”

• That “forgiveness is sexy”

Some fans defend it as “fantasy,” and I get that. But when fantasy affects real-world beliefs about consent, power, and love, it’s no longer harmless.

Many viewers are young. Many are still learning what love should look like. And if we don’t question these stories, we risk letting abuse look like romance.

---

Why Women Are Still the Villains

It’s ironic, isn’t it? So many BL stories are written by women. So many fans are women. Yet women in the stories are often:

• Jealous

• Petty

• Manipulative

• Or worse, obstacles to male love

Why?

Some of it is internalized misogyny—the idea that female characters are competition, not companions.

Some of it is lazy writing.

Some of it is fans projecting their own insecurities onto the screen.

But whatever the reason—it’s time to stop treating women as the enemy. Especially in a genre built on breaking gender rules.

---

So… Do BL Fans Hate Reality?

Not at all. In fact, most BL fans are deeply emotional, imaginative, and empathetic people. Many use this genre to survive pain, escape trauma, and find hope.

But when that hope becomes obsession, or when fantasy replaces empathy, that’s where the harm begins.

---

Where Do We Go From Here?

We take care of ourselves. And each other.

• We can still love actors without controlling their lives.

• We can still enjoy intense love stories without normalizing abuse.

• We can still enjoy shipping couples, without villainizing women or real partners.

• And we can still write fantasy—but we do it with awareness, and with care.

As a creator, I want to build worlds that comfort and challenge.

As a fan, I want to feel safe—but also honest.

And as a person—I want us all to feel seen, respected, and heard.

BL can be beautiful. Healing. Groundbreaking.

But it can also be dangerous, if we’re not willing to look at the parts that hurt us—or others.

Let’s not turn away.

Let’s grow.

---

If you’ve ever felt uncomfortable about something you saw in a BL, or questioned your own emotional reactions to it—you’re not alone. You’re waking up. And that’s where change begins.

---

WATCH BLs’ Broken Fantasy | Created by Aam Anusorn | ไบร์ท วิน 2gether The Series